More Than 12 Steps. No Free Coffee

A couple weeks ago, I had a problem. I lost my creative mojo. Gone. Fizzled. Kaput. Somehow I had let myself hit creative bottom, caring more about getting things done than bringing out my best.

But as the saying goes, you have to hit bottom before you can change.

That’s when I decided to create this site. I had so much passion for the project, that my ideas poured out faster than I could collect them. The excerpt below is the first thing I wrote. It was the first time in a while that I’d been able write freely without pausing my thoughts to edit. It was such a profound barrier to overcome, that I’m sharing it here just as I typed it. No edits.

Writers should be like a waterfall, constantly flowing forth wit and inspiration. Able to type stream of consciousness thoughts on the page and then go back to make them into formal thoughts. Unfortunately, I’ve always thought of myself more like a dam that’s sprung a leak. A 4-foot thick concrete fortress holding back the big, creative thoughts, but all that gets through is a weak stream of bland, everyday phrases. Do other writers feel differently? Or are they crippled by the same self-editing that I’ve suffered with through the years? Is there a pill or 12-step program I can take to become the witty writer that’s pounding at my chest to get out?

I don’t write because it comes easily to me. When I tell people writing is actually a painful, tortuous process for me, they think I’m either fishing for validation or trying to over-complicate something that most people think is easy. The truth is, I don’t know why I write. The process isn’t fun. Most of the time I’m not satisfied with what I’ve created. In fact, there have only been a scant few times that I’ve actually been proud of a finished product or thought it fulfilled my expectations of myself.

So since there aren’t any writer therapy programs I can commit myself to, I guess I’ll have to create my own. So here it is.

7 Responses to “More Than 12 Steps. No Free Coffee”

1. Tom Murphy says:

   October 31, 2009 at 11:25 am

   I hate writing! Well, I don’t hate it, but it is such a nag! I’m always thinking, “I should be writing”. I go to Connecticut Screenwriters meetings and hang my head in shame when it’s introduction time. Maybe that’s why I’m usually late. When I am writing, it seems like so little streams out of the faucet. How can I be happy with a (damn!) good page or two when I have 120 to make a movie? Yet, sometimes, just sometimes, I write something good. By the end I’m laughing or crying (I’m hoping you’re assuming that’s an exaggeration) and I’ve actually created something I like. But mostly, I hate writing.

   Reply
2. Kara Parlin says:

   October 31, 2009 at 11:33 am

   I feel your pain, Tom. Hopefully we can highlight some techniques here on the site that will make it a little easier (or less painful at least!).

   Reply
3. Michael Lawson says:

   November 1, 2009 at 6:22 pm

   Diana and I let our personal blogs lag so that’s why we started the new one. So far so good, having a partner in something always is motivational….

   Reply
4. Kara Parlin says:

   November 1, 2009 at 7:21 pm

   I’ve neglected by personal blog for a while as well, Michael. But I’ve been taking a break from the book I’m writing, so I’m just not in that mindset. Fall is a good time to get back into it, but this site is my top priority right now, so I may have to let it sit a while longer.

   Reply
5. Erica Mueller says:

   November 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm

   I have hated writing since I was a child. I should say, I have hated scheduled, graded writing. I was homeschooled and my mother granted me some slack in the writing department because honestly, I COULD NOT write when asked to. However, on my own time, when it came to me naturally, I could and still can.

   I’ve never considered myself a good writer. But then, who does? I think we’re all just hard on ourselves.

   Your un-edited clip is beautiful. It’s very evident that your writing just flowed and needed little thought or ‘work’ to get it out. I enjoy that type of writing.

   Reply
   • Kara Parlin says:

     November 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

     Thanks Erica. I think many people have a love/hate relationship with writing. I’ve also been trying to be a better reader in the last couple years, since frequent reading has a major impact on writing. It’s amazing how as we get older, reading for pleasure tends to fall by the wayside.

     Reply
6. Goals for 2010 | Spark Lab says:

   January 2, 2010 at 10:46 pm

   [...] more freely – As I’ve mentioned, my writing doesn’t just flow out of me. It’s a constant struggle. I hope by writing [...]

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